feel so unlucky this two days :( broke my specs last nite...n brought two sets if keys out today n had to go back home again to pass my bro his set of keys coz he had to go to the doc as he sprained his leg...n this 2 incident coz mi lots of money n tt was after i spent 70 bucks on my sandal...haiz...the spec cost 30 bucks to repair...n the coz of bring two sets of keys out was a taxi trip tt costed 24 to AFS coz dun wanna any unlucky thing to happen again so took cab down to pick my dear up n went straight to AFS...then was unable to get the track shoes at E mart coz it juz went out of stock this morning...i m damm unlucky this two days...n did i mention tt the cab was caught in a traffic jam on the way to AFS...went to beach rd in the afternoon n saw a nice bag but can't buy coz i was low on fund :(...how i wish i had more $...lol....tt the way human r...they juz can't be satisfied...haiz....hope my unlucky spell pass soon...lol

hey there...didn't update the blog yesterday bcoz i went to the passing out parade..lol...really happening...haha..a teacher officer who juz passed out actually proposed to another teacher officer during the reception...lol...omg...it was really like fairytale....wonder how often such things happen...mayb one in a million..lol...really glad i was there...lol...went to madia hill camp todae...was really a eye opener...saw mi ncc senior..a full lta now...lol..semms like i wun b able to follow is footstep...lol...a lowly sispec...but i got another dream to be fulfilled..tt is bcome a sof personnel..lol...think it will always remain a dream ba...lol...but u nv try u nv noe....who noes i might go to ocs..lol...i seems to b dreaming alot nowadays....haha...wat to do...i'm too free...so keep dreaming..lol...

i feel so lonely...seems tt most of my sec sch frens have forgotten mi or choose to forget mi...mayb i haf not been a great fren...really regret being attitude in sec sch..esp towards teacher...haiz...how i wish i can turn back time...but all human make mistake...so i've juz hafta live wif it...hey my frens..if u ever read this..pls forgive mi for all the bad things i've done...i'm really sorri...but i doubt any of u will read this coz nobodsy noe bout this blog of mine...but it's alright...juz in case ur stumble onto it..anyway...i wish tt i can meet up wif all mi frens...but it is impossible...i really feel so lonely....i sorri for all the wrongs i've done...my frens....

another day spent slacking away...haiz slept the whole afternoon...but at least did not waste tuesday away...went ncc IMT com yesterday...althought did nothing important or interesting..at least spent a day doing something...so happy wif my frens ard...haha...then had dinner wif mi dear n her frens...her frens so interesting..all so cute...how i wish my sch frens are as on as hers...haha

todae is the first day of my holi spent slacking at home doing nothing constructive...Regretted nv find a holi job...was wishing to see a sms frm tt someone or see her online...but she nv did...been asking myself if she is really the one...but if she is...how come she's attached?...how can i go after a gal who is attached??...well mayb she not the one after all...really wanted to ask her out but nv got the chance...after all who m i to ask her out?...she got a bf...y would she wanna go out wif mi?...it's alright...i'm juz a nobody in this world...juz another lonely soul wandering ard...

Finally i got my blog up and running...how i wish i can do my own blog skin...but too bad i'm a computer idiot..so hafta use one done by other...haiz...anyway haf u heard of the story of the the leaf, tree and wind?...well i think it's veri touching...but i feel tt the leaf depature is bcoz of wind's pursuit but tree nv ask her to stay bcoz he didn't noe he has such a leaf...if u haf not read the story..here it is...
Tree
===

The reason I'm called Tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Over time I started to paint a tree in the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolor paintings. I had dated 5 girls when I was in school. There's one girl whom I loved a lot but never did go after. She didn't have a pretty face, nor a good figure, or outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl.

I liked her. I really liked her. Liked her innocence, her frankness. Liked her cuteness, her intelligence and her fragility. My reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary was not good enough for me. I was also afraid that if we got together all the special feelings I had would vanish. I feared that other people's gossiping would hurt her. I also felt that if she was meant to be my girl, she would be mine ultimately and I didn't have to give everything up just for her. The last reason made her stay with me for 3 years. She watched me chase after other girls for 3 years, and I made her heart cry for 3 years.

She wanted to be a good actress and I was a very demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled and said "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like walnuts. I purposely ignored what had caused her to cry and instead, laughed at her the whole day. When everyone else went back home, she sat alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I had returned from soccer training to get something. I watched her cry for an hour or so.

My fourth girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarrelled. I know that based on her character she was not the one who had started off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled with shock. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laughed and joked with me as though nothing happened. I know that she was very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ached as badly as hers.

When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I had something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she had something to tell me too. I told her about my breakup and she told me about her getting together with someone else. I know who the guy was. He had been going after her for quite a while. He was a very cute guy who was full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the school.

I couldn't let her know how my heart ached but could only smile and congratulate her. When I reached home, my heart ached so bad that I can't stand it. There was like a heavy weight upon my chest. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to shout but couldn't. Tears rolled down and I broke down and cried. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that didn't even acknowledge her presence?

During graduation, I read a sms in my handphone. It was sent 10 days ago when I broke down and cried, but I hadn't read it since then. It said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay."


Leaf
===

During school days, I liked to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has relied on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of school I was on very close terms with a guy. Not the BGR kind but the buddy kind. But when he had his first girlfriend, I learned a feeling I never should have learnt - jealousy. The sourness in the heart couldn't be described using a lemon. It's Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid my strong sense of happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.

I like him and I know he likes me. But why wouldn't he pursue me? Since he loved me why didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would ache. Time after time, my heart was hurt again and again. I began to suspect this was a one sided love. But if he didn't like he, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you would do for a normal friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I may know his likes, his dislikes, his habits, etc. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me, a girl, to ask him right?

Despite all this, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him, hoping that one day, he will love me too. I waited for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he was, he would make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through and I really wanted to give up. At times, I wondered whether I should continue waiting. The pain, the hurt, and the dilemma accompanied me for 3 long years.

Towards the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior began to go after me. Everyday he pursued me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I was willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm and gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realised that I didn't want to give this wind just a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away to a better land. Finally I left Tree. But Tree only smiled and didn't ask me to stay. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.


Wind
====

I like a girl called Leaf. Because she's so dependent on Tree, I have to be a gust of Wind, a wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was one month after I transferred to the new school. I saw a petite girl looking at my seniors and I playing soccer. During CCA time, she would always be sitting there looking at him, be it alone or with her friends. When he talked with other girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's happiness in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit, the way she liked to look at him.

One day, she wasn't there. I felt something was amiss. I can't explain the feeling except that it's a sense of uneasiness. The senior was also not there. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scold her. Tears were in her eyes when he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place looking at him. I walked over and smiled at her, took out a note and gave it to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled and accepted the note. The next day, she passed me a note and left.

Leaf's heart is too heavy and Wind couldn't blow her away.

It's not that Leaf's heart is too heavy. It is because Leaf never wanted to leave Tree.

I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me and accepted my presents and phone calls. I know that the person she loved wasn't me. But I had the perseverance that one day, I could make her like me. Within 4 months, I had declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she would divert away from the topic. But I never gave up. If I decided I wanted her to be mine, I would definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I had declared my love for her. Although I knew she would try to divert, I still had a small glimmer of hope, hoping that she would agree to be my girlfriend.

I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone, so I asked "What are you doing? Why didn't you reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head." "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head," she replied loudly. I hanged up the phone, changed quickly, took a taxi, rushed to her place and pressed her door bell. When she opened the door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.