yes..i went to sch todae...forced miself to...but noe wat...mi forgot to bring mi notes for first lecture...things seems to backfire when i try to b hardworking..wth...sch todae was as usual..boring..slept through the first hr of both lecture todae...then went to tutorial wif nothinh again....the tutor took ages to discuss 5 qns..wth..n almost wanted us to stay back somemore...but lucky he decided to push back to next week...after tt went to mi aunt's till 12...so tired sia..tomolo still hafta go to AMQ..sianz...sch go cca orientation but no choice hafta go AMQ coz got meeting...hmm...gtg sleep liaoz if not tomolo late again..life sux big time...nitez...

Quote of the Day:In nature there are neither rewards nor punishment - there are consequences

yes...i wasted one whole day todae...i managed to waste one whole day at home...doing nuts..lazing ard...reading newspaper..surfing net..wat the hell is happening to mi?...i dun understand myself...something is wrong..wat?..i dunno...i need help..wat kinda help?..i also dunno...i'm falling.............................................................................................................

well...well...thinking of whether to go to sch or not todae..i so sick of sch...everyday waking up thinking bout this...Should I Go Sch??...i dread sch so much...coz it so boring...mi class start at 11 n end at 5 todae..two lectures using 6hrs...wth...if i dun go..i will hafta study on mi own which i doubt i will...n i wun noe how to spend mi time alone...coz there is no one i can ask to go out wif...but if i go to sch..it will b so damm boring...n it's raining somemore...haha...i'm giving all the excuses in the world not to go...wth...really starting to wonder wat i'm living for?..for food?(well i eating lesser n lesser each day..can even combine meals into 3 in 1)..for $?(so i can get all thing things i wan?omething juz can be bought)..for luv?(does it exist?)..for mi family(nono..confirm not)..yes i noe..for mi dream car which i will nv get unless i win a big sweep or total jackpot..haha..c i'm dreaming again...i'm like purposely updating mi blog now so late i haf more excuses not to go sch...wth...cunning ain't i...haha...i really HATE sch!!!...but i'm afraid of failing mi modules...tt alone is unable to push mi to go sch...i feel so lonely...yes i do...alone in this dark study of mine...i'm not gonna go sch now..coz it too late even if i take train plus it's rainig rite now...c..two more excuses...mayb i'll go help swiss get the modular tent later...another excuse...i juz feel so weak...this is not how a clt should b...i haf no determination...i'm irresponsible...wth..how did i ever bcome a clt?..i wanna go somewhere..some place where i can relax...i wanna get out of here...this place totally sux...i wanna get out of reality...but it's impossible...i juz hafta suffer n diw slowly like the rest of the world is doing...i can take the fast way out but i haf no courage..no courage to even take my own life...i'm so god damm weak...

Quote of the Day:Nothing matters very much, and little matters at all

went to sch veri late todae..skipped a tutorial which is veri important coz i can't understand the lecture..then attend a lecture halfway through n end up understanding nuts...haha..then went for another tutorial wifout prparing anything...practically wasted mi time in sch..well dunno y i dun like sch nowadays..mayb is coz i dun feel as happy as i used to..mayb not as close to some of mi frens as i used to...well..used to spend time after sch together..but now..it's like hi..n bye...haiz...izzt mi or izzt them?..well most probably is mi la..i juz can't keep frens...once i haf a new bunch of frens i will drift away frm the other...mi social skills sux man...now i seems to b wif mi ncc mates all the time..well...coz i enjoyed their company..but i'm neglecting mi sch frens..think i need to balance out how i spend time wif mi frens...i really need to do something bout it man...really hope i will enjoy going to sch as i used to..but now..i'm going sch out of the fear of failing mi modules..not bcoz of mi enjoying being there wif mi frens like i used to..now going to sch is a chore...so boring n tiring..can't seem to learn anything in sch..onli go there to pass mi time...n time seems to pass so fast...now is thurs liaoz..realli worried if i can clear this semester..realli feel so tired of this life...it's not the kind of life i wan...well..i dunno wat i wan anyway...life juz seem so aimless...nothing seems to interest mi anymore..other than meeting up wif mi ncc mates coz then i will feel more carefree..more comfortable...n i can b miself...do stupid things...n tok cock......no worries at all...this world seems to b so fake to mi...ppl all ard are wearing mask...mask of wat ppl think of them...y can't ppl b true to each other?...the reality sux big time...i Hate this world...ppl are not smiling bcoz they r happy..but bcoz they dun wanna let other noe something is bothering them...dun believe?..go look at blogpages, web diarys...tt where the whole truth is...i'm also wearing a mask...y?..bcoz in reality..not all ppl can b trusted n not all ppl will understand u...u juz hafta act strong..so ppl will not look down on u...

Quote of the Day:Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope

yo..went sch todae wifout doing both tutorial..haha..coz CNY wat..haha..gd excuse rite?..well class suppose to end at 1 todae but tutor say got function so ended at 12..when he first told us..i was still blur thinking wat's the big deal bout class ending at 12..coz i thought it was supposed to end at 12..haha..then it took mi so long to realise tt class should end at 1 todae..anyway..slack throughout both tutorial...after tt went yew tee shopping centre to haf lunch wif yas b4 going to swiss for cca orientation rehearsal..but there was totally no rehearsal..the bunch of kids were figuring out how to but a shelther using poles n ground sheet...which is not impossible but damm hard..haha..so mi n yas juz sat there n c them do..finally decided they could not do it n had a discussion among themselves...n still no solution la...lucky yas managed to borrow the modular tent frm unity...haha..heng got her sia..ao problem solved..haha...then went bbdc to top up mi account n went jp for dinner wif yas n angie...haha..well saw mi sec sch mate there n had a great time chatting wif her..well feel so gd man...long time no c her liaoz...haha..well got home saw mi mum sch mate who is a insurance agent then hear him tok bout policies to mi..then slack till juz now then bath...haha...seems like i'm going to sch tomolo wifout preparing mi tutorial again..haha..gtg sleep liaoz...cya tomolo...bye...nitez sweet dreamz...
p.s. mi so lor soh todae..haha...dunno y...

Quote of the Day:Courage is the ship you need to board to reach the land of opportunity

todae went sch n wasted mi time..the onli class i have was cancelled...can u believe it?..cancelled n i got to noe when i reach there...wth...well..then waited for shirley to get her laptop repaired but it took so long tt i decieded to start wifout her..well..took us so long to do our project..n one more thing was tt mi frens bf was there wif her all the way..so a bit funni lor...haha..imagine doing project wif one of ur fren's bf there...distracting sia...haha..nvm la...then wasted time doing the project till 5 like tt then went for our module elective briefing..wth...waste time sia..go there listen to them tok rot whereby the instruction they handed out was self explanatory...stupid rite..haiz..wasted mi time one whole day...really sian lor..could haf went out or wat but stuck in sch doing unproductive things...haha...nvm la..hope tomolo will b a better day..feel so sian these days..haha...

Quote of the Day:Life is full of harder choices, tougher chances and deserved rewards

4th day of CNY...hmm..well yester went out wif mi ncc mates to watch the last samurai..wow..it's damm power..haha...so nice man..dun mind watching it a second time...catch it if u can man..after tt went angie's..well..had dinner there then slept till morning..then back home..haha...ya..then later going mi mi mum's eldest bro house..sian...dun like tt place..well is dun like tt family..haha...dunno y..but juz dun like lor...ya..mayb coz they SUX!!!...haha...mi bad sia..but nvm la...i'm like tt...so dun offend mi...coz i will start to hate u...n u wun wanna noe how it feels to b hated by mi....haha...

Quote of the Day:Honor the ocean of love

yoyo..todae's the second day of CNY..well juz woke up..not coz i pig k?..coz i 6+ 7 then slept..played majong at mi bro's fren's last nite at 12..till 6+ 7 this morning..lost 8 bucks...well it's considered gd coz at one time i lost almost 40 bucks..haha..b4 tt was at mi grandma place(maternal)...collect the ang pows all at one go as usual..then nothing much liaoz then laze round till round 7+ 8 i think then play soccer wif mi cousin...seems like we r all getting old..the sec sch ones seems more agile than us..haha...also visited mi grandma(paternal) at ard 12+ like yesterday...it all the same every year..boring....ya..it's boring...last morning we also went to the temple to pray...wet things did went wrong as i predicted..the ATM spoilt..i want the draw $ but it spoilt..wth...well..anyway supposed to b at mi 5th aunt's at round 3 but c wat i'm doing now..how to get there by 3?...haha...nvm la..shall take mi own sweet time...feel hungry..nv had dinner breakfast n luch since last nite..haha....btw happy chinese new year....

Quote of the Day:Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction

yet again i shouted at mi mum n elder bro..seems like i m the problem..everything is fine when i was asleep but after i wake up..all hell broke loose..the house is noisy bcoz of mi..y m i so problematic? haiz..i hafta change..how? i dunno...when? dunno also..haha...how i bcome a clt wif such attitude? i also dunno..mi smiles are getting faker n faker..i dun feel happy anymore.........wat should i do?........................

todae is CNY eve..but...things still dun go rite for mi..mi grp assignment file got corrupted..haf to do it again..then mi shout at mi bro coz he tried to take the internet frm mi when i need it..then the younger one need to b shouted at to wake up his idea..can't understand wat i say until i shouted..wth...feel so distanced frm mi family during our 'reunion dinner' which is actually lunch..i dunno y..feel like i'm juz born to be ordered ard by them..so fed up..wanna do mi sch work also cannot..comfirm will b disturbed one..unless i do it late in the nite..wth..i feel so alienated frm mi family...i seldom get to tok to them..most of the time i shout at/wif them..is it mi or is it them? seems like i'm the problem..mayb i should leave some day then they can live happily...i the problemmatic one...i hope tomolo eveything goes well..hope nothing crops up again...this is really a bad year..got a feeling tt i might get into conflict wif one of mi cousin tomolo..which cousin i dunno...juz got this feeling..well juz pray hard..but i dun believe in god..pray for wat?..stupid...

Quote of the Day:Once all struggle is grasped, miracles are possible.

hey..i can't believe tt when i wanna b hardworking..things also go against mi..mi actually did the wrong tutorial work for this morning tutorial..wtf..haiz..dunno y CNY coming i still feel so sian..y do this world seems so cruel? y can't it let some things to b near perfect?..

Quote of the Day:Time will ease the pain. Love will heal the heart.

yo..went sch for a 2 hrs lesson todae..the classroom cock up todae..haha..no air con the projector control panel spoil..haha..then watch a long n bit boring documentary on the history of tv news..hmm..seems tt wat we c on tv might not b the truth after all..it can all b manipulated..haha..then skipped luch todae n wnet to lot 1 kimage for a haircut..well..end product is almost identical to wat i got at storm in jurong point..well mayb next time juz go storm lor..haha..kimage more ex more by afew dollars onli la..haha..
haf ur ever wonder about the devil n angel inside u?..which one do u normally listen to? DEVIL? ANGEL? well seems loike it is better to listen to the devil bcoz u will get wat u one..but come to think of it..listening tothe angel in u will benefit u more coz in the end u realised tt u haf give pay back in the end when u listen to the devil..but if it is the angel..although u might not get wat u wan tt easily..u feel more happy after tt..seems like i'm toking crap here..but..well always believe in the angel in u..haha...i'm crappy todae...

Quote of the Day:Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them.

Quote of the Day:ThE HeArT HaS ItS ReAsOnS Of WhIcH ReAsOnS KnOwS NoThInGs

ya..went ncc todae..played water bomb wif them..well onli tt part was fun other than tt..it is boring..haha..then went out wif ncc mates to buy new years clothes..but mi no mood coz shout at mi mum through the phone juz b4 i went out..dunno y feel bad this time..mayb i really over did it this time..haiz..sometimes juz can't stand her asking mi the same qns twice n stupid qns somemore..mayb i really need to control mi temper..well the outing was fun..but juz dunno y i feel so.....i dunno how to describe..haha..well..nvm..mayb is juz stopping miself frm falling again..yes..it sux to fall..i muz nv fall again...i do feel alot of things n i'm always rite..hope tt i m not rite this time..haha..

well...seems sch is so boring nowadays..i been falling asleep in lectures..dunno y..well nothing much happened todae..onli go sch then celebrated shiying bday for her..tt all...mi life seems so boring..something seems to b missing..

yoz..todae sch is still so boring...2 lectures n ended at 5..haiz...but at least the business law seems abit interesting to mi..mi ambition was to b a lawyer when i young..haha..but well..too lazy to study hard..so now no chance le...haha..the lectures todae is so technical..need lots of memory work...hope i wun fail them this sem...i hate memory work...haha...haiz..feel so fat..have not workout since sat...mi stupid wrist...dunno wat's wrong wif it..got a nigging pain...haiz..pls heal faster k?...mi hate feeling fat..all the fats are returning...haiz..tomolo will b another long day...9 to 5 class...sux man...but this week seems to past veri fast..dunno y..haha...chinese new year coming..tt mean can gamble all i wan...haf not played blackjack for a long long time..wahooo..looking forward to gambling..haha...

i feel better todae..haha..troubles seems to haf juz went away..how?...i dunno...haha...but i juz feel carefree...onli abit tired...sleep for half the lecture todae..haha..dun understand wat the lecturer is toking about..but noe tt it is important...haha...think hafta go read it up when i'm free...well tutorial was still the same juz as boring..speaking of tutorial..haha...i went to sch one hrs early todae..stupid mi..assume tt sch start at 9 todae..lucky i did not take the mrt...reach sch at 9.15 then realised tt class is at 10 when i checked the timetable...so went to atrium to do mi tutorial for Regulatory Framwork Accounting(RFA)..haha..wasted mi one hour of sleep bcoz of mi carelessness...dumb wasn't it...well...hope tt i will continue to feel happy...until when i dunno...hope it will last long...haha...n to all those who helped n encouraged mi...thanks for being there for mi...i really appreciate it... =)

i dunno y..i still feel so empty..juz went out wif mi ncc mates..well..had a gd time..lauged played n all tt..but i dunno y now i feeling so empty..mi sch mates all seems to sense tt i'm in trouble..do i really look troubled?...i got these urges to smoke this few days..i dunno y..also feel like getting drunk..well mayb i juz need some time to relax..get away frm reality..i really sick n tired of this life..it really sux..i dun wan face it anymore..it is really wearing mi off..can anyone tell mi how to get out of all this..is there a reset button somewhere??..or is dying the onli way to reset?..i m really really sick n tired of all this..maz told mi tt ppl may be suffering but they are still living bcoz they see hope..but i dun see any hope..does tt mean i haf a reason not to live?..well mayb the best way to shut out reality is to smoke n drink..but if tt fails too..i really dunno wat to do..i really hope tt i can stop miself frm picking up smoking again..hope tt some guardian angels will appear out of somewhere..if not..well..time will tell...

hi...i haf a qns..tt i need an ans for..
wat would u do if ur ex tell u tt she still like u n would like to start all over again?..
is it veri cold hearted to reject her outrite?..
i haf juz done tt..i dunno if i'm doing the rite thing..i hope tt i m..
why is it tt ppl dun treasure wat they haf until they lost it..
n ppl also dun treasure the chance to try again?..
Is being afraid to get hurt again the reason not to try again?
If it is y do ppl still fall in luv wif someone else when they haf been hurt by another b4?
To luv is to forgive..but if u forgive someone u luv..izzt really luv?..pity?..or unable to let go?..
last but not least..WaT'S LuV??
I really feel veri bad for rejecting her..but i juz dunno how to accept her again..
If u ever get to bump into this blog of mine..juz wanna tell u tt I'm Sorry...we should not haf been together in the first place..y?..u should noe..let's not fool ourselves anymore..

hi..i still feel empty todae..seems like i'm juz going to sch for the sake of going..nothing seems to register in mi head..went to class todae then had lunch wif mi frens..then went home..seems tt life is so boring..looking forward to meeting up wif mi ncc mates..hope tt it will b more interesting tomolo if i really do meet up wif tt..tt's all for now..gtg do mi tutorisls..hope tt i really do them..haiz

11th day of the new yr..n things dun seems to go my way...haiz..i dunno y but i juz feel so empty...wanted to do mi tutorial todae...but juz when i wanna get down to do it..mi mum made mi help her spring clean the house..shit rite..i might as well go out n enjoy miself..haiz..then now dun haf the mood to do the tutorials..haiz..or is it an excuse for mi to b lazy?..i dunno..but all i noe is tt this is one of the worst start of a yr i ever had..i really feel like toking to her but i juz dunno how to..i juz feel different..it is not the same anymore...y? i dunno..mayb somethings juz can't b the same..n to the one who had help mi..thanks alot for being there for mi..n i believe tt u can do it..trust urself coz i believe in u..u can overcome it..dun worry....

Come on..
wake up ur ideas..
who r u anyway...
u r juz a useless bastard...
u can't do anything well...
u can't study well...
can't lead well...
can't sing well...
can't even make a gd decision...
so wat r u gd for...
i noe..u r a gd for nothing..
haha..
u r juz a jealous bastard...
a stupid idiot whom ur own cadets wun even respect...
u r juz a lousy leader who is condemmed to b a sergent...
a lousy sergent...
mayb u r not even quailified to b a sergent...
wake up ur idea man...
if u r one...
u r juz a nobody........................................................................

hi there..juz got back after hanging out wif mi ncc mates at orchard..went PS to haf pizza hut...fauzi got his pay n treated us..really feel so happy..dunno y i juz haf the energy when i m wif mi ncc mates...haha...well sch todae is boring..the lecturers r juz revising wat we learnt last sem..haiz..slept through half the tax lecture..it was so god damm boring...haiz..was so tired...but the monent i got out of the lecture n heard about going out wif ncc mates..i was refreshed..haha..how i wish we could live together in camp...haha..enjoying ourselves all the time n no nagging frm parents...haha...well gtg le..tomolo got sch trg...

yo so glad i m able to access the blog pages of mi frens again...sch todae was juz as boring..haiz..y do i seems to hate sch now..i use to like it last sem...mayb mi study engine not started yet..this sem seems so short..gonna end in early may...omg..how m i gonna spend mi holi??...haha...so stupid rite..sch juz started 4 days n i m thinking of mi holi le...really miz mi ncc frens..haha..dunno y i seems to b so close to mi ncc frens compared to mi sch mate...juz met a few of them yesterday n now i n thinking of hanging out wif them...mayb is coz i can really b myself n fool ard wif them ard...when wif mi sch mates i juz dun feel as comfortable...mayb is bcoz poly frens are competiting for results ba..well i dun gif a damm bout mi result..as long as i can pass i'll juz b as happy..haha...tomolo is fri n after tomolo i can meet up wif mi ncc frens again...yupee...haha...anyway juz found out tt mi bro dar has started his own blog page feel free to go take a look...haha..

todae is my second day of sch...haha...though i dun like sch..at least going to sch will help mi spend my time..but todae sch onli gonna last for 2 hrs frm 1 to 3...haiz...so sian...yesterday was almost as boring..went for mi driving lesson..it was a 100mins of lesson but the instructor used 80mins to explain boring stuff to mi..haiz..waste my money..but it might come in useful la...haha...hope tt other driving lessons will b more interesting...gtg now...till then cya again

yo todae is the first day of sch...haha..it was a bit boring coz it ended at 11 and then after tt i had no programme..haiz..so sian...but the TVE1 tutor was not bad but the PQS tutors sux...i dun like him...i was so unlucky to b selected as the PQS rep..haiz...this yr mi luck seems to b veri down...wat to do..but at least i enjoyed miself juz now...met up wif other clts haha...dunno y i onli seems to b veri comfortable wif ncc mates...i feel so happy n relaxed wif them...haha...can do lots of funny n childish things...yesterday went out wif them to watched LOTR at Bugis..it was not bad but the previous sequel was better...haha...n went to beach rd b4 tt wif ian to do the air clt t shirt..haf a feeling tt it will b gd...haha...hope i can meet up wif ncc mates more often...looking forward to ncc trgs..haha...tomolo going driving haha...i luv driving...i luv ncc...haha

Oh my...
I feel so fustrated...
So fustrated at little things...
Wat is happening to mi?
I seems to hate the world...
I seems to get angry over every single little things...
Wat should i do?
Can someone pls help mi?
I feel weak...
I see no hope in life...
Ppl ard mi are also the same...
Trying to fake a smile, a laugh...
Y this world sux...
I need help...
If not i'm gonna change...
Change for the worst...
I tried hard not to think too much...
but it juz keep poping in mi mind when i'm free...
Y i juz can get over it...
Wat makes u tt special?
Can anybody pls tell mi?
I hate miself...
I hate this life...
I hate everything ard mi...
I hate THIS WORLD...
It is so FAKE...
It is so CRUEL...
It is HEARTLESS...

My feeling are always rite...
Let mi b wrong this time round...
Bcoz i dunno how to deal wif it this time round...
Pls my guardian angel...
Pls tell mi tt mi feeling is wrong this time...
I hate getting all the wrong things rite...
Time n again...
Pls let mi b wrong...
If not...
Pls guide mi my guardian angel...
I hate this feeling...

ya i forgot to tell ur wat i did yesterday...well...went to east coast park to mas bday BBQ..haha...went in the afternoon to learn how to blade...haha...fell quite a few times but still can't blade well...haiz..well feel quite sad..but dunno y..stayed at ECP till 3 like tt then Dar dad came n fatch us to his home...haha..we slept at 6 n woke up at 11 plus n i still have the early morning feel...then we went junction 8 to haf our branch at 3 plus n got home at ard 5...haiz tomolo hafta go ZSS to help out at their orientation...fell so sian..dunno y...haiz

todae is the first day of 2004...should b a haapy day rite?...but no...it's not happy for mi..i feel betrayed...helpless...sad...well...juz dun feel gd...hope tt this year would b a gd one...not as suxky as it is todae...i hate myself...why m i so useless?...mayb i should b strong...but i really dunno wat to do...well here is my resolutions for this year...i muz n will achive them
1. Get my Airborne Wings(includes run 2.4 under 10mins)
2. Get my driving Licence
3. Make more friends
4. Find the ONE
5. Be more thrifty
6. Be nice to mi family
7. Pass All mi moudules wif at least a B
8. Learn Guitar
9. Do all mi tutorial
10. B more active in ncc aka b a better CLT